Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...
You are a Bitch.
When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get
pissed off when you are believed.
Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves
parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..
Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the
evening.
Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms
so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has
pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like
to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a
great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is
possible!'
Whine
If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted
from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's
because he is lazy.
No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a
past boyfriend.
If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
Complain
Hate any bar he likes
Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when
paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required
gifts proving his love.
Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about
your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.
Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your
boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately
to spread this as quick as possible.
Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about
doing anything other than catering to your needs.
Break into tears for no apparent reason.
Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is
given.
Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends,
break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month
just to rub it in.
