|
100 Reasons Why Its Great To Be A Guy
1. There is no #1 reason,
and that's okay
2. Movie nudity is
virtually always female
3. Child birth
4. A five day vacation
requires only one suitcase
5. Monday Night Football
6. Belching is cool
7. Your bathroom lines are
always 80% shorter
8. You can open all your
own jars
9. Old friends don't give a
crap if you've lost or gained weight
10 .Dry cleaners and
haircutters don't rob you blind
11.
Screw up the laundry
once, never allowed to do it again
12. Your ass is never a
factor in a job interview
13. All your orgasms are
real
14. Those chairs by the
waiting room at lingerie shops are for you
15. Guys in hockey masks
don't attack you
16. You don't have to lug a
bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go
17. You can still get away
with MAKING a Valentine's day card
18. You can go to the
bathroom without a support group
19. Your last name stays put
20. You can understand Homer
Simpson
21. You never get a stupid
Love Quiz in GQ
22. You can kill your own
food
23. The garage is all yours
24. You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness
25. Big Breasted Stripper
days on Jerry Springer
26. We're treated like
royalty when we're sick
27. You never have to clean
the toilet
28. You can be showered and
ready in 10 minutes
29. Sex means never worrying
about your reputation
30. Wedding plans take care
of themselves
31. If someone forgets to
invite you to something he or she is still your friend
32. Your underwear is $10
for a three pack
33.
The National College
Cheerleading Championship.
34.
None of your co-workers
have the power to make you cry
35. You don't have to shave
below the neck
36. Scratching your ass is
just fine
37. If you're 34 and single
nobody notices
38.
You can write your name
in snow
39. Beer is a food group
40. Everything on your face
stays its original color
41. Chocolate is just
another snack
42. You can be president
43. Going to the gym to look
at the aerobic girls is called 'working out'
44. Flowers fix everything
45. You never have to worry
about other people's feelings
46. You get to think about
sex 90% of the day
47. You can wear a white
shirt to a water park
48. Three pairs of shoes are
enough
49. You can eat a banana in
a hardware store
50. A 'mood swing' is a
place, with a swing, where you get sex.
51. Foreplay is optional
52. Falling asleep right
after sex
53. Nobody stops telling a
dirty joke when you walk into the room
54. You can whip your shirt
off on a hot day
55. Middle aged, big gut? No
problem, it's expected.
56. Underwear lasts longer
than most marriages
57. Car mechanics tell the
truth
58. The belly button is a
fantastic place to store corn chip crumbs
59. You can watch a game in
silence with your buddy for hours without thinking: He must be
mad at me
60. The world is your urinal
61. Wake up, shower, eat,
brush your teeth, leave... max 15 minutes.
62. You get to jump up and
slap stuff
63. Hot wax never comes near
your pubic area
64. One mood, all the time
65. Your virginity is never
'taken' away. You'd gladly give it to anyone that asks.
66. Father-in-laws are sweet
older men. Mother-in-laws are nasty old bitches.
67. You know at least twenty
ways to open a beer bottle
68. You can sit with your
knees apart no matter what you are wearing
69. Same work...more pay
70. Gray hair and wrinkles
add character
71. You don't have to leave
the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment
72. It's OK to marry a girl
much younger than you if you have money
73. It's OK to cop a free
feel when you cuddle.
74. With 400 million sperms
per shot you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at
least in theory
75. You never have to wear
high heels.
76. Sometimes women will
fight over you, and you get to watch
77. The remote is yours and
yours alone
78. People never glance at
your chest when you're talking to them
79. People never complain
about men drivers
80. Drinking till you pass
out is occasionally OK
81. Bachelor parties whomp
ass over bridal showers
82. You have a normal and
healthy relationship with your mom
83. Breast augmentation on
your wife is a gift to both of you
84. You needn't pretend
you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom
85. If you don't call your
buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've
changed
86. Someday you'll be a
dirty old man, and you're looking forward to it.
87. You can rationalize any
behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it!"
88. If an other guy shows up
at the party in the same outfit you might become lifelong buddies
89. Dad always let you stay
out late while your sister had to be in before midnight
90. The occasional well-rendered
belch is practically expected
91. You never have to miss a
sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
92. You're expected to stink
if you work out
93. If something mechanical
didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across
the room
94.
New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet
95. If someone bothers you,
you just don't talk to them and problem solved.
96. Telephone company
commercials don't make you cry
97. Not liking a person does
not eliminate having great sex with them
98. Girls play Barbie. You
had GI Joe
99. Baywatch
100.
There is always a game on
somewhere
Back
|
